That Pain Point...It's your compass!

We all have had the experience of being down on our luck or simply things falling apart. Even though, that happens it doesn’t usually last for long. What does last is the memory or the pain of that situation. It always seems to linger in our mind and that is the point of this write up. That pain point it’s your adversary and your compass.

We have so many painful experiences in life and for the most part…we try to escape them. I get it and I’m sure you do too, but how about looking at it differently. Those experiences can some times serve us if we don’t allow them to stagnate our entire lives. I understand that embarrassment, lack of money, lack of opportunity, and not fitting in to mention a few is enough to derail your career also.

If we look at the pain point (whatever it is) as an adversary or a specific person that’s trying to do you in…we may find it quicker and easier to identify every time that specific obstacle confronts us or simply pops up. Stay with me, in some of our lives we may have multiple adversaries or opponents (fear of fitting it, commitment, change).

You may need to adopt a secret weapon. What about hapkido or aikido? It’s the martial arts of using an opponents force / weight against them. So you’re wondering how can this work? First and foremost you’ve got to be willing to give it your best go and then willing to commit to the process.

Let’s use fear for example: People experience all sorts of fears, such as fear of failure, fear of fitting in, fear of success, fear of speaking publicly (trust me the list can go much further, but this will do). Every time you see your specific fear (obstacle) as yourself…

Am I the only one who’s ever felt this way_____________

Will it hurt / damage me physically___________

Is this the only time that I have been confronted with this________

If I do nothing will it change_____________

Win, lose or draw if I confront this situation, can I learn from it_________

There are an array of additional questions that can be presented to you, but if you’ve answered these questions honestly you’ll realize that you should have 4 no’s and 1 yes. In addition to that you should begin to understand that there is hope and you do not have to be overwhelmed or consumed by it.

How this serves you is pretty direct. You should now have an understanding that no matter how many times you are confronted by your challenge…it will not kill you (we’re talking about non-physical and non-life threatening fears or challenges).

That alone should be a relief! Now you have to take things one step at a time.

Learn about your opponent (face it and understand what it is: task, bill, relationship)

Understand the power that it possess (will it change you / flip your life style).

Understand the limitations it has (can it stop you from earning / limit your happiness).

Understand your strength (I can defeat this situation by paying the bill, being open, honest, clear and direct)

Those one step at a time questions will serve as your compass if you let them! That means that in order for you to overcome a situation / challenge you have to say for example. It’s not going to kill me, it’s not going to stop me from being happy or maintaining a lifestyle so let me take action (open, honest, clear & direct with myself first).

Look at things for what they are. This particular thing is being asked of me, so I can handle it all at one time or in segments until it’s complete. The most important thing is to be OPEN, HONEST, CLEAR & DIRECT.

If you follow that compass mindset, it will allow you to navigate through your life challenges easier. Emotionally speaking you become more stable. Practical adaptability: it will take time to get use to analyze and apply things differently.

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About the author

Sir Charles Cary

For the past 17 years Charles has not only transformed his own life, but he's helped transition the lives of government employees from around the country.